


Hearts Club

by Inkribbon796



Series: Masks and Maladies [53]
Category: Jacksepticeye Fandom, Markiplier fandom - Fandom, Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Date Night Gone Wrong, Emotional Constipation, Established Relationship, F/M, Flowers, Hypnotism, Idiots in Love, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, but the boys work it out in the end, complicated feelings, date night gone right, superhero au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:00:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22722832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkribbon796/pseuds/Inkribbon796
Summary: It’s Valentine’s Day and there’s a fair bit of love and magic in the air. Some couples are enjoying a nice evening together, others are finding their footing in a brand new one.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton, Bingiplier/Googleplier, Bingle, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Dr Iplier/The Host, Dr. Iplierst, darkstache
Series: Masks and Maladies [53]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1538131
Comments: 7
Kudos: 62





	1. Hypno Tulips

**Author's Note:**

> Wilford plans a nice relaxing evening out, but he just has to get Dark in on the plan.

Dark was in his office, trying to get as much work done as possible. It was Valentine’s Day. Wil tended to track him down, and Dark enjoyed the pursuit a bit more than he cared to admit.

The entity was reading expense reports, along with some information slipped to him from the police commissioner, when Wil walked in. He was dressed in a yellow suit with a pink dress shirt.

“Oh, Darky,” Wil’s voice took on a little bit of a sing-song tune.

Looking up, Dark saw that Wil had a rather impressive bouquet of black tulips with a purple hue to each flower cradled gently in one arm, his other arm hiding something behind his back.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Darkling,” Wil smiled warmly.

Dark glanced over at his calendar, holding up his hand to summon a large jewelry box from the Void. “So it is.”

The reporter made an excited squeaking noise, his smile becoming wider and even more excited. “Is that for little old me?”

Carefully setting down the box, Dark gave the reporter one of his little half-smiles. “Of course, Wil.”

“Before I give you the rest of your gift,” Wilford pulled out five candied roses from behind his back. The rose made of pieces of clear hard sugar candy that had pieces of cotton candy or licorice embedded into it. Forming a delicate flower.

Dark just stared at the roses in surprise, leaning forward, “Where’s you get those?”

“A little birdie gave them to me,” Wil smiled, holding the sugar roses out.

Dark gave his partner a flat, unimpressed look, “You saw one of my Lost Ones and didn’t bother to bring him home?”

Wil looked confused, opening up the jewelry box and smiling when he saw a pin in it. The pin was a metal flower with a dusty pink color to it. At the center of the flower was an old film reel. “Unless he suddenly developed the ability to turn himself into a raven, no.”

The entity rubbed his forehead with the pads of his fingers, “You took candy a bird gave you? Instead of following it back to where Kay was?”

“Cause it’s easier than taking it from a baby,” the reporter gave Dark a rather cheeky, too proud smile. He summoned up a vase for the flowers, but Dark took the candied roses before Wil could stick them into the same vase as the actual flowers.

Dark’s groan was audible, “Remind me again why I’m with you?”

Wilford’s smiled a bit more sharply, suddenly devious and Dark watched him suspiciously as Wil appeared at the other side of Dark’s desk, standing over him. His new pin on his lapel. He leaned down so that their faces were too close for anyone other than Dark to be comfortable. The mad reporter, who seemed a little less mad than usual, traced the outline of his face. Dark seemed to not even blink with Wil this close to him.

“Well, for starters,” the reporter grinned. “You love me.”

Dark smiled, rolling his eyes, humming a bit. “I should start reconsidering that.”

Wil leaned in and kissed him, gently cradling the back of his head.

“You  _ are _ lucky I love you,” Dark reminded him. “I should have left you in jail in ‘73.”

Kneeling down, Wil’s lips seized Dark’s again, a quick kiss, grabbing Dark’s chair and pulling him closer.

Breaking away, Dark gave a chuckle as Wil moved down to his neck. “Bit forward, aren’t we?”

“Let’s go out for a night on the town,” Wil pleaded. “Take a day to relax. I’m sure you’ll feel much better afterward.”

The entity leaned back in his chair, his eyes going to all the papers on his desk. He probably should go down and check warehouse 13, because the last time he let that one linger out of his control for so long, people got superpowers. He had a city to run, Damien had paperwork to go over.

So he looked back at Wil, prepared to say that whatever plans Wil had, they could stay indoors and cuddle by the fireplace. But Wil’s dark brown eyes were begging up at him. The reporter was even quivering his lip, looking like a sad puppy.

Dark had his head in his hand, sighing. “Fine, let me find something nice to wear.”

“Yay!” Wil cheered, snapping his fingers and all Dark’s papers disappeared. Dark internally groaned at the mess his safe probably was at this second, he was going to have to waste an hour cleaning it. “You’re dressed enough.”

Then he scooped Dark out of his chair.

“Wil! I’ve been in this suit all day,” Dark barked indignantly as Wil was already starting to walk towards the door with him. “Put me down.”

“You look as pretty as a peach, Dark,” Wil told him. “Bet I can find you something nice if you want.”

After a little bit of bickering, Dark was in a new suit, as the two were sitting in Dark’s private room in his favorite restaurant in town. The date was peaceful, probably because of Dark’s sudden change of plans. The two were unbothered by anyone else and eventually they went back home, disappearing into the Void.

“Still so tense, Darkling?” Wil chuckled as Dark rolled his shoulders.

“I am always tense,” Dark admitted. “I’m a walking corpse.”

Wilford let out a loud cackle, “Oh, you are a riot, my dear.”

Dark rolled his eyes, trying to will his body’s back to let him pop it back into place. “I’m glad I amuse you.”

Briefly Wil’s aura danced in front of Dark’s eyes, a spinning, swirling cacophony of pinks and golds. Wil’s eyes turning into the same swirl. “I could help you with that.”

Wil’s hands went to Dark’s back, right where Dark’s fingers were. Decades ago, Dark would have jumped, bitten or kicked anyone for touching him. But Wil’s hands were familiar.

“Finding a new way to get me into bed?” Dark smiled, looking at Wil’s face. His aura worked as a natural shield against Wil’s magic, even if it wasn’t visible.

“Eventually,” Wil chuckled, his other hand tracing Dark’s neck. “But I promised I’d help you relax, and Ol’ Warfstache keeps his promises.”

“You do, don’t you?” Dark grinned, threading a hand into Wilford’s curly hair. “I better not wake up in Tahiti then.”

“Only if I’m there with you,” Wil returned his attention to Dark’s neck, and Dark leaned into him as he turned his head to look back into the swirling mass of madness and color. Carefully, Dark pulled away some of his aura away from himself as Wil’s aura was trying to latch onto his mind.

Slowly Wil took his hand away from Dark’s back, the ringing almost completely gone from the room as Dark just stared at Wil’s swirling and twisting aura.

“There we go,” Wil smiled into Dark’s neck. “You’re always so tense.”

“Hmm,” Dark commented, his arms feeling too heavy for him to move. There was some part of the shared split mind that made up Dark that was still active and thinking. He tried to turn around to give Wil a real answer but now that he’d started actually looking at Wil’s aura his whole body felt warm and comfortable.

“Now, let’s help you work out some of those knots in your back,” Wil asked, his hands reaching for Dark’s tie. He pulled it off and Dark’s aura seemed to rip away from it, revealing a dark wine red tie. Wil just admired it for a couple seconds and then tossed it onto the desk, grabbing Dark by the front of his suit and whirling him around for another deep kiss. Dark kissed him back, still dazed from Wil’s aura.

With a huge grin, Wil teleported the two into their bedroom. Leaving Dark’s tie laying on the desk, haphazardly thrown to the side.


	2. Candied Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iplier never thought much if Valentine’s Day, but this year with another help from someone, he might have a shot at a happy Valentine’s Day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This two are idiots but I love this pairing.

Dr. Iplier was sitting in his office at the hospital. His shift was basically over and it was Valentine’s Day, and like a complete coward he was sitting at work, trying not to go back to the base and have to deal with all the couples coming and going from the main area.

He also had to change the Host’s bandages because the doctor didn’t trust him to take care of himself. But the last thing he wanted was for King to be around while did it.

Iplier was probably making assumptions, but the two seemed close. He’d walked into the library on more than one occasion and seen the two talking and laughing at something. Either the Host really thought King’s jokes were funny, or there was something Iplier was missing.

Finally he just packed his stuff up and left. He could probably badger Henrik to watch movies with him. There were more than a handful of heroes without dates, even if it meant hearing Roman lament about not having someone as he laid on the couch eating ice cream like the drama queen he was.

Iplier took his car, constantly looking over his shoulder for a villain to attack him. He’d been kidnapped by the League from this very parking lot on more than one occasion, and even after the first time he’d gotten suspicious of being out in the open.

He wasn’t attacked and got into the base without incident.

“ _ Tag _ , Edvard,” Henrik greeted as he walked into the main room. “You are late.”

Iplier took stock of the room. Roman was taking up most of the couch, with Henrik squished into the arm. Robbie was sitting in front of him. Eric was curled up in one of the bean bag chairs. In the kitchen area, Virgil was laying on top of the counter top destroying the contents of a box of Pocky.

“Sup,” Virgil greeted, three sticks of Pocky in his mouth.

“What we watching this year boys?” Iplier sighed and walked over.

“Mouse Hunt,” Henrik answered, staring at the screen.

“Why?”

“Cause I need a laugh,” Henrik reminded, a huge bowl of popcorn in his lap.

“That and Nathan Lane has a fine ass,” Roman agreed, spoon still in his mouth, a bucket of butter pecan ice cream on his stomach, with chocolate syrup poured directly into the box.

“Hey, Princey,” Virgil jabbed. “If I wanted to watch a movie with the Duke, I would have gone back to the apartment to watch him and Dee make out on the table.”

“You take that back, you no-taste charlatan!” Roman barked out in offense.

“You two should make out in ze closet already,” Henrik scoffed. “Ze others already have.”

Virgil began having a coughing fit.

“I spent eleven years too long in there,” Roman rebuked. “You ain’t locking my fine ass back up.”

Then Roman smiled at Virgil, leaning over so he could see him, “You okay there, My Chemical No-Romance?”

“I hate you,” Virgil coughed out.

Eric was looking at Virgil in concern, “D-Do you need some water?”

“M’ fine,” Virgil was already running the tap to grab something to drink to clear his throat. 

“O-Okay,” Eric answered.

“You want us to start over?” Roman asked Iplier.

The doctor looked at his watch, “Nah, keep going, I have to go check the Host’s bandages, bet he’s been hiding out all day.”

“Ja, he refused to let me near him,” Henrik confirmed. “Ze man has a preference.”

“No he’s just a stubborn ass,” Iplier grumbled and started to walk towards the door that would take him to the elevator.

The American doctor was gone for five seconds before Virgil rolled over onto his stomach, taking the broken Pocky stick out of his mouth. “Five bucks says he doesn’t come back.”

“Ten says he comes back with a hickey,” Roman snagged some popcorn from Henrik.

The German doctor rolled his eyes, pulling the bowl away, “Nein! You have ice cream all over zhose hands of yours!”

As his friends argued and talked about him, Iplier was taking his medical bag and just stalked towards the elevator. He was trying to clear his head, because it was practically buzzing like a swarm of anxious bees.

His mind always went back to the Host, despite his best efforts to stay professional and ethical about his patient. Iplier didn’t know everything about what the Host used to be before they met. King was upfront about his tax evasion and auditing crimes that he was still on probation for, but Host never talked about it.

Or he couldn’t. The American doctor wasn’t sure which the problem was. Iplier was sure Marvin had been trying to connect the dots too. If King had worked for Dark, and Host had come to Dr. Iplier with him, then it didn’t take a private investigator to figure out that Host probably had too.

He reached the elevator and was about to hit the button when he saw King rushing over to him. “Hey, Doc, hold the door.”

Iplier punched the button a little bit harder than necessary. “King, I haven’t changed Host’s bandages all day, I don’t have time.

When King got to him, he noticed five roses made out of hard candy wrapped in brown paper, a golden ribbon tying it all together. “I’ll just take it down with you then.”

The doctor could have screamed, but the elevator showed up, even if it was slow.

“I would have thought you’d be down there with him already,” Iplier reminded, stepping inside with King.

“I checked on him a couple hours ago,” King waved his free hand. “Guy almost took my head off. Anyways, can’t stay, park tends to get a little crazy on the holidays. Can you do us all a favor and hand these to Host?”

He held up the wrapped roses, and Iplier took a deep breath, afraid for a second that when he opened his mouth he’d start screaming. Frustrated and angry, he finally barked, “Do your own dirty work, kid.”

“I am,” King scoffed. “Host wants to take forever, so I’m giving him a kick in the right direction.”

“I’m not giving your boyfriend flowers and chocolate, do it yourself, just make sure you’re not in my way when I change his bandages.”

The door started to open, but King was faster, darting his arm out to close the door.

“King, get out of my way,” Iplier spat.

Slowly a look of shock and surprise wrapped over King’s face, as if the gears in his head were finally turning the way he wanted them to. “Wait, wait, wait. You think I’m dating Host?”

Iplier almost hit him.

The younger hero looked like he was somewhere between amused as hell, and deeply disgusted. “No,” he balked. “Is that why you’ve been so passive-aggressively pissed at me since forever?”

“If you’re not dating then what is going on between you two?” Iplier asked.

“Doc, we’re brothers,” King told him. “I mean, we’re adopted but if that doesn’t count then nothing does.”

“Oh,” Iplier said, feeling silly and embarrassed.

“Here, give these to the Host,” King was still chuckling to himself. “Both of you are ridiculous.”

Finally he pressed the button to open the door back up, leaning against the door. Iplier took them carefully, noticing that the candy rose petals had strands of gold mixed into the sugar.

Stepping out, Iplier looked back at him, “Where’d you get these?”

“Made ‘em,” King looked inordinately proud of himself. “Trade family secret. Got a whole cookbook of pastry and candy recipes. They’re some black ops level stuff though so, good luck.”

With that he closed the door, and left Iplier alone in front of the door.

Glancing down at the roses, Iplier was frozen in place. Host was probably a mess, and he needed help. The blind man clearly had very little desire to protect himself, easily getting swept up in his visions and stories. It was one of the things Iplier had always loved about him, how passionate he was about his books.

Slowly he started to make his way towards the desk at the center of the massive library. The walk gave him time to think and plan. He was admittedly nervous, Host was going to pick up on the flowers eventually.

“Hey Host,” Iplier began, finally reaching the desk. “I heard you didn’t let Henrik patch you up.”

The doctor froze, there was a folded letter at the front of the Host’s desk. Iplier’s name was written in the Host’s fancy, flowing calligraphy.

“Greetings, Doctor,” the Host smiled. “As for the German doctor, the Host much prefers his current doctor’s steady hand over another’s.”

Iplier set his bag down so he could pick the paper up. “What’s this?”

“It is for the Host’s good doctor,” the Host answered. “Words that he would like to say before the King of the Squirrels involves himself in the Host’s business again.”

“Oh,” Iplier opened the letter to see that it was a poem, words twisted in the shape of Iplier’s face. The prose was flowy and very much in the Host’s style. It took a bit before Iplier fully realized that Host had written him a love poem. Entire sentences detailing his appearance and steady nerve. How the doctor had saved the Host not only from death but from himself.

“Host, did you make this for me?” Dr. Iplier asked.

“The Host spent a great deal of time on what to make so that the good doctor would not ask such a question,” the Host answered. “Does the Doctor like his gift?”

“Of course I do,” Iplier answered. “I love it.”

The Host seemed to let out a sigh of relief. “The Host is glad.”

“I have something for you too, sorry it’s not something homemade,” Iplier apologized and gently passed the flowers over to the Host, suddenly very nervous.

The blind seer let out a chuckle, his narrations quietly describing the flowers to himself, tracing his fingers over it. “Ahh, the Doctor got these from King right?”

“Did you see it in one of your visions?” Iplier asked, realizing that he’d been holding his breath for a bit.

“No, the King of the Squirrels learned how to make these from one of his adopted fathers, he is meddling in the Host’s personal affairs again,” the Host answered, all his focus seemingly on the flowers.

“Oh,” Iplier get his heart constrict a little.

“It is not unappreciated, as it got Iplier and the Host to interact with each other,” Host commented. “The Host very much likes his doctor.”

“I like you a lot too,” Iplier agreed. “Maybe if you’re up for it I can order in some food? I know you don’t like to go out into town.”

The Host whipped his head up to look at him, smiling warmly. “The Host would very much like that, he thanks the Doctor.”

Iplier smiles and after a quick discussion he ordered some Chinese food to the base, and then began changing the Host’s bandages. The two of them talking quietly in the mostly darkened library.

Two men huddled close together admit the smell of old book dust, a tinge of blood, and the sterilization of the doctor’s tools.


	3. Orange and Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Google doesn’t have emotions, no matter what Bing says. It doesn’t help his cause that two of his extensions have stopped believing him too.

Bing checked his internal clock again, it was about 20:25. The android was waiting in an alleyway, in a part of town notorious for attacks from the Googles. Google usually hid form the rest of the Coalition in a safe house Dark owned. Google would receive protection from the police, and in return Google would manage Dark’s equipment. Both League members had a healthy disdain for humanity, so they tended to get along more often than not.

But today, Bing wasn’t here to stop Google, he was here mostly to find two of Google’s extensions: Yellow and Green.

At 20:30 on the dot, Oliver and Green, two of the Google extensions, appeared at the entrance of the alleyway Bing was crouched in.

“Hey Bing,” Oliver smiled excitedly, Google Green following his fellow extension.

“You come alone or are we having a party?” Bing smiled, accepting a hug from Oliver.

“Hopefully,” Green was all smiling, looking at Bing almost wolfishly.

“Hey big guy,” Bing smiled, going to hug Green.

Green just grabbed Bing by the arms. “Oh no you don’t.” Then he kissed Bing.

An orange blush spread across Bing’s face as he returned the kiss. “Nice to see you guys too, wish we didn’t have to hide in the alley.”

Green scoffed, holding Bing close to him, “Maybe if Googs was able to uncork his head from his ass I’d be able to.”

“Shame,” Bing agreed, kissing Green before looking back at Oliver. “Hey dude, get over here. Where’s my kiss from you?”

With a huge smile, Oliver began to walk forward, clearly excited for the affection. But then he froze, as if he was jolted with electricity. Green groaned as he immediately released Bing and his arms almost seemed to pin themselves to his sides.

“Green! Yellow!” Google barked, he was standing at the alley, glaring at the two extensions. “There you two are, Dark has been calling for the two of you for the past three hours. What are you two doing with this defective default?”

“Hey, Googs,” Bing greeted, the older android showed no sign that he had heard him except for clenching his fists tightly.

“Well why didn’t you call Red, he’s always happy to do Dark’s bitch work,” Green still had his arms at his sides, which Bing had to admit, looked super funny. “We’re busy.”

“No your job is to be there so that I can fulfill our secondary objective,” Google corrected. “I don’t care what you two were doing.”

“Making out,” Green bragged helpfully.

“Come on Googs, we weren’t hurting anything, I was just keeping them occupied for a couple of seconds, whatever they were doing beforehand was probably super important” Bing smiled, walking forward. Oliver following close behind him. “You wanna spar for a bit, I know you love it when we do that.”

“I do not appreciate your distractions, I have already compiled that urge into Google Red and he is busy conducting actual work.”

“What’cha gonna do when you can‘t compile stuff into them anymore, Googs,” Bing grinned. “Come on, yah can’t be emotionless forever.”

“Inaccurate,” Google glared at him. “My secondary objective is more important than any other endeavor I could be invested in, and the extensions _should_ know that by now.”

He glared at Oliver, and Bing hid the more human android behind him. “Just one?” Bing grinned, trying to keep Google’s attention on him and now Oliver. “I’m gonna get one from Red soon enough.”

Google’s fan was drumming wildly, the older robot was glaring at him in rage, “You will stay away from him, _default_. I will not have anymore viruses in my system.”

Leaning in, so dangerously close that Bing heard Ollie’s fans whirling anxiously. “S’not a virus Googs, you love me, and the sooner you admit it, the happier we’ll both be.”

“Never,” Google denied. “My objective is clear. If I’m ever to be free, humanity has to die. All of them. Dark and the League are the only chance I have to achieve that goal.”

Oliver flinched, his eyes flashing, as if he was going through stored memories, gripping tightly onto Bing shirt that the younger android was sure the fabric was ripping. It made Bing want to wrap him up in his arms and shield him from the world with the rest of the Googles under a charging blanket and watch number codes go by.

Bing decided to lean in but was pushed away by Google, making him fall back into Oliver.

“Green, Yellow, let’s go, you’ve already wasted enough time with this default,” Google ordered, already starting to walk away. Green groaned, giving Bing a quick kiss before running after Google. His arms coming free once he was back at Google’s side, the two already starting to argue.

Bing looked at them, sure that Green was too hooked into Google’s _“secondary objective”_ to listen to anything else but humanity’s death. But Bing turned back to Oliver, his sweet, almost human Oliver. Sometimes Bing thought that Oliver was more human than even he was. Google had separated and shoved all his wonders and awe of the natural world into Oliver.

“You should come with me,” Bing smiled lovingly, whispering. “You’d love the Coalition, it’s great. You’d be amazing.”

Oliver looked hopeful, squeezing Bing’s hand before he looked back at where Green and Google were. “Probably not the best idea, Dark and Googs would be able to overhear everything I do.”

“I can fix that,” Bing promised. “Let me fix that.”

At that, Oliver looked torn. Hopeful and scared all at the same time. Bing fought the urge to kiss it away.

“Not this time, Bing,” Oliver was fully looking back at the others. “I can’t break my programming.”

“We’re more than that,” Bing reminded, Oliver’s hand still in his.

Oliver looked at the ground in front of the others. “Sorry, Bing.”

Bing sighed, looking at Oliver’s hands as the emotional android began to pull away. Quickly, Bing moved forward to kiss him. Oliver froze and quickly turned to hug Bing. The only sounds between the two was the whirl of fans and the little clicks of their internal components.

The emotional android rubbed his cheek into Bing’s shoulder. “Someday, I promise.”

“Yeah?” Bing let Oliver pull away. “You’ll love it, we do movie nights every Friday.”

Oliver smiled, still looking sad, “Sounds like fun.”

“It is,” Bing promised, but he finally let Oliver pull away. Oliver walking back over to Google before he was pulled away.

Oliver still looked back, gently mouthing the words, _“I love you”_ to Bing until he was too far away for the other android to help him.

With a sigh, Bing finally left the alley and headed back to the base, already planning on how to pull more and more of Google out of his his _“emotionless shell”_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bing is slowly collecting robot boyfriends, and he will not be stopped.


	4. Rats in the Restaurant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit just wants a nice date night out with his boyfriend. Remus agreed. However, they disagree on what a “nice night out” means.

Deceit had his head in his hands as he sat at an Italian restaurant, whether for better or for worse, Remus was still sitting across from him. Currently he was making voodoo dolls out of forks and pasta.

“Remus,” Dee groaned.

“Hand me that, I need to give Lo and Patt glasses,” Remus grinned, gesturing to the Parmesan shaker in front of Deceit’s almost untouched plate.

“Remus, just once I’d like to have a nice evening,” Dee craned his head up a bit to look at him.

Their waiter came by quickly with a wine bottle, trying to use Deceit as a shield, which the yellow side thought was hilarious. Quickly Deceit spun the cap off and flicked it off, taking a long swallow of wine. “Thank you, we’d like a box to go.”

“Right away, Sir,” the waiter said, the teenager clearly overeager to get them out of the restaurant but trying desperately to be polite.

“And the bill,” Deceit grabbed him by the arm. “I can’t promise how fast I can get him out.”

The kid nodded and hurried away.

“We leaving already? Remus smiled, stabbing into the meatball he was using as Roman’s head.

“If I ever want to come back here,” Deceit reminded.

“Could use a pool,” Remus shrugged. “Dark’s restaurant has one right? I’m sure it’s perfect for skinny dipping.”

“Let’s go to the fountain in the square instead,” Deceit took a deep steadying breath to calm himself down.

“Hey Dee,” Silver said as he walked up behind them.

“Sweet Mercury’s thighs, thank you,” Deceit gasped in relief, trying to talk under his breath.

“What?” Silver chuckled, just staring at him before looming over the table. “Hey boys, hear date night’s been crazy.”

“You have no idea,” Deceit groaned, drinking more wine. He looked past Silver to see another hero in a green and silver outfit, her long brown kept down.

“Hero,” Deceit greeted UFO as she was known in the city. Deceit liked her, she seemed to be one of the only truest level heads in the group.

“Ahh, more heroes,” Remus smiles. “Tell me Silver, are you a blond? I want to make as many dolls as I can.”

“Why would I tell you?” Silver demanded. “Besides, food mannequins? Why?”

The waiter snuck back over, trying to now use UFO as well to keep out of Remus’s line of sight. It would have failed if not for the increasingly mounting argument between Silver and Remus.

“Well excuse me princess if you can’t see true art for what it is,” Remus huffed, tossing his head up in the air.

“No,” Silver groaned. “You ruined a plate of perfectly good linguine.”

“Aren’t you going to do something?” UFO smiled.

Deceit paid and gave a good tip because he really did want to come back here, he just wasn’t going to bring Remus next time. Next year they were probably just going to cut their losses and cause mischief in town instead.

“Only if you stop your boyfriend first,” Deceit proposed, boxing his food. “Do you want to get the door or should I?”

“Eh, your hands are full, why not?” UFO shrugged.

“Much appreciated,” Deceit finally stood up. “Remus, we’re leaving, eat your dolls or throw them away.”

“I can do one better!” Remus shouted and pulled a massive sewer rat out of thin air and slammed it onto his plate, breaking it.

Deceit just sighed, already hearing the panicked screams and shocked gasps from many of the other patrons and staff.

“Are you kidding me?” Silver shrieked, jumping back in surprise. The shout from the hero only egging Remus on and rats almost exploded out from Remus’ clothing.

“Fuck,” groaned Deceit, looking away. He already there was no way he was going to be welcomed back. “I can’t take you anywhere. How’d Dark deal with shit like this for forty years?”

UFO held up her hands and all the rats froze where they were and she threw them and Remus out the door of the restaurant. The glass door shattering with the impact. Silver was already following him as Remus made rats just cover his body like a living, squirming suit.

“You are disgusting,” Silver told him.

“Thank you,” Remus cackled.

“You’re only helping him,” Deceit shouted, setting his box down and covering it with an illusion so it looked like he’d teleported it away. Then Deceit summoned the illusion of a huge black and yellow king cobra.

With Deceit now involved, UFO three a trash can at him. The four of them starting a massive fight in the middle of the street that ended with Remus, literally smoking from setting himself on fire.

Deceit and Remus were just laughing as they burst into the apartment, Deceit could wipe the smile off his face.

“See?” Remus’s eyes were practically glowing like stars. “Wasn’t that fun?”

“You’re going to be the death of me,” Deceit held up his to go box, a bottle of wine in the other hand. “But if it means getting fancy Italian to go, I can hardly be angry.”

“You minx,” Remus barked out a laugh, pulling him closer. Both of them ignored Orange glaring at them as he sat in the corner of the room. “I’m impressed, was that your plan all along?”

“Well Sara’s has made the amazingly poor choice of refusing to keep up with the times and let me have their Shrimp Sautée in the comfort of my own home,” Deceit boasted. It was only half true, Deceit had wanted a nice night out with the only bearable person in the whole city, but that was clearly impossible.

Remus was a lot of things: a hoarder, a living trash compactor with the social awareness of a lemon. But, against his better judgment, Deceit had a thing for his flagrance for any and all social norms. All the other Sides, even Virgil postured and tried to fit in. But Remus didn’t. He got Deceit into fights that he was sure to lose because the last thing Dee was, was a brawler. But the night had been oddly fun, in the same way that Remus was fun.

The heroes and the others would never accept Remus for all his eccentricities and faults. But then again, they’d never accept Deceit either, no matter what he tried to do. And Dee found that endlessly exhilarating.

Remus began poking at Deceit’s face, clearly impatient at the fact that Deceit had just been staring at him. “You dead?” Remus poked him in the face again.

“Thank you for the night,” Deceit told him and he watched the way Remus smiled. “All things considered, I did have fun.”

The impulsive Side puffed his chest out, clearly proud of himself. “I know how to have fun, Dee,” Remus boasted, taking the wine bottle. “Let’s enjoy this.”

At that moment a pillow from the couch was thrown at the happy couple. “Get a room you two,” Orange spat. “Just because Vee isn’t here doesn’t mean you can make out in my room.”

“Then quit being a prude,” Remus barked back, starting to kiss up Dee’s neck.

With his newly freed hand Deceit pulled Remus out of the room. He didn’t want an audience anyways.


	5. Table for Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you’re a hero, you don’t usually get breaks or time off. Mark and Amy try to have a pleasant night out, but that falls on his face when two villains have the exact same plans.

It was supposed to be a good evening. A nice Italian date night in a nice but not nose bleed expensive restaurant. Other heroes were picking up the weight of several heroes going out to enjoy the night, since their dates were either out of the city or they weren’t celebrating it with anyone this year.

Unfortunately the League had other plans. Namely Deceit and the Duke had managed to walk into the same restaurant that Mark and Amy had. The whole place went on edge instantly, despite Deceit’s attempts to keep the Duke from acting like his usual self in the middle of a  _ family _ restaurant.

“Of course,” Amy groaned, after five minutes of sitting three booths down from the two villains. She had her back to them which let Mark keep his eyes on them while she watched the doors.

“Never a dull moment,” he agreed, the Duke was looking around the main dining area, looking at the kitchen way too much for Mark’s liking. Deceit was trying to talk to him, ripping his attention back from the kitchen. “Figures a place like this would be on the League’s radar.”

The staff was trying to pull people away from the villains’ table, which Mark was silently thankful for, it would make fighting them much easier when things actually got out of hand.

“Just for once I’d like a quiet evening,” Mark complained.

“Wouldn’t that be a dream,” Amy agreed, rolling her eyes as she twirled more pasta on her fork. “They doing anything yet?”

“Just ordering food,” Mark answered.

The rest of their time was spent forced to keep an eye on the two villains. The Duke was of course a nuisance the whole time. He wasn’t really rude to the staff. Ten minutes in, even Deceit seemed to be getting drained from the situation. He had his head in his hands almost the whole night. It was the type of resignation that Mark had seen on Dark when Wilford was being exceptionally stupid.

Mark was content to just leave them to it. Yeah they were part of the League but there wasn’t anything illegal or immoral about what they were doing. They were two guys on a date and even the Duke seemed to be moderately behaving himself in public. In thirty minutes, the Duke was probably going to change his mind and start strangling people, but there was nothing that either of the heroes could do about that right now.

He was paying for the bill, his back turned on them for the first time when he heard it, a large crash and a scream from one of the nearby patients.

“Did you really have to, I just got my food,” Deceit said, Mark able to catch the conversation with his superhero. The Duke had decided to start throwing food at a patron he hated, and the staff were clearly too terrified of his reputation of chaos and outright murder to be able to adequately get rid of him.

Quickly the couple left and got down the street before they took one look at each other and got in costume. Silver quicker to fly in. The staff was more than relieved to see him and Amy.

Remus was, of course, more than a bit belligerent. Deceit seemed actually thankful their dinner was being interrupted.

Mark was pretty sure he’d just stopped the Duke from summoning the Flying Spaghetti Monster if the  _ “pasta dolls” _ were anything to go by. Then, as Deceit was trying to get Remus to leave peacefully, everything just fell apart.

Of course Mark expected a defiant response, he didn’t expect the giant rats, which Amy helpfully tossed the Duke and his new forty best friends out through the door.

Silver began fighting with the villain as soon as they were out of the restaurant. “You’re disgusting,” Silver spat as the rats swarmed over the Duke’s body.

“Thank you,” the Duke grinned. Silver found that every large rat he punched disappeared into a puff of smoke.

“You’re only helping him,” Deceit sighed, walking out with a to go box of whatever he was eating and a bottle of Merlot. Amy was standing next to them. He quickly summoned a giant cobra which got the fight between him and Amy started.

When the last rat  _ poofed _ , Silver stood there, “Hah! You’re rats are gone, what now?”

The impulsive villain frowned, and then Silver was grabbed by a massive octopus tentacle that seemed to be coming out of his back. “Hero you’re ruining my date night,” the Duke snarled.

“Yeah, well,” Silver coughed out, his super strength saving him from getting crushed like a tin can. “You ruined mine too.”

Using all the strength he had, Silver burst out of the hold and stomped the tentacle into pulp. Before he could wind back to punch his opponent’s lights out, Deceit came to the Duke’s rescue, grabbing his boyfriend with the snake he’d summoned. “Time to go, my dear.”

“I was finally having fun,” the Duke complained, trying to set himself on fire. Silver flew at them to stop them but Deceit let out a bright flash of light and Mark almost slammed into Amy. The two villains, along with Deceit’s food he’d gotten from the restaurant, was gone.

“Dammit,” Mark swore. “Not again!”

“Yeah,” Amy agreed, “no wonder the Sides have had such a hard time with them for years.”

Mark was still jittery from the fight with the Duke. “So much for a relaxing night.”

“You’re a workaholic,” Amy smiled at him.

Mark let out a loud groan. “Sorry about tonight.”

Amy shrugged, “Wanna go back home?”

“Yeah,” Mark admitted, holding out his hand. “Let’s go.”

The two heroes flew off, determined to enjoy the rest of their evening in peace and quiet.


	6. You Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil has an issue, he has feelings and doesn’t know what they mean or what to do. So spending more time with the rest of the Light Sides seems like a terrible idea.

Virgil didn’t prefer to be alone with all three of the Light Sides at once. He always felt outnumbered. And it didn’t help that they had a habit of  _ “us time” _ as Patton liked to put it.

Today turned out to be one of those days. Virgil was caught off guard, he was in a good mood. After King had come into the room to brag about helping get Host and Iplier together, Virgil had net himself an extra fifteen bucks.

Roman was busy sulking on the couch, glaring at the T.V screen and snidely commenting about the movie as Henrik growled at him.

Then Patton walked in, out of costume, “Ro, Virge, come on, let’s get out of here.”

“Why?” Virgil growled, dumping out the chocolate and pretzel dust from the Pocky box he was eating, his fifth that night. “Someone’s gonna take my seat.”

“You’re on the counter,” Patton reminded him. “We make food there.”

“Should’a put spikes on it if yah didn’t intend for me to be on it,” Virgil was opening up another Pocky box. He was going to get horribly sick tomorrow, but he didn’t care.

“Well it’s the day we go to the apartment and just hang out there, and Logan called to tell me that he was coming back son figured there was still time today.” Patton had that huge, excited smile on his face, but Virgil’s stomach churned with discomfort.

“Nah, uh,” Virgil told him, Roman was already standing up, looking more than a bit uncomfortable. “I know where this is going.”

“Hey, he’s just trying to include you,” Roman bit back.

“Now Roman,” Patton tried to calm him down. “Let Virgil talk, he needs to be able to explain how he feels.”

Roman started grumbling under his breath, rolling his eyes.

Virgil was now sitting and had begun to curl his feet up to his chest, a subconscious effort to protect himself.

“He’s harmless.” Patton turned to Virgil, “Come on, we watch Netflix and ogle guys on the screen the whole time. Even Logan enjoys it.”

The anxious Side was a bit intrigued, but he wasn’t sure how he felt about being really alone with anyone who wasn’t Iplier, Eric, or Marvin. “Uh, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Virgil tried to tell him.

“We have top ramen and pixie sticks,” Patton bribed.

Virgil groaned. “Fine, but I better get a panic room when this goes belly up.”

Roman was tapping his foot, clearly anxious and glancing at Patton over and over again. Virgil followed behind them as they walked out, a bit uneasy even though he was 100% positive that they weren’t actually going to hurt him. Roman was overdramatic and loud, but he was about as harmless as he was good—

Virgil was able to stop himself as that thought entered his brain. He was glad that he was behind them because he was pretty sure he was blushing. He’d been working so hard to clamp down any unwanted thoughts buzzing through his head. Yeah he was gay because Thomas had been about as gay as the month of June, but he knew that muscling his way into what was at best a working relationship, and at most uncomfortable an already established relationship. His brain racing as it began dredging up worst case scenarios of them getting upset about him and getting him thrown out of the Coalition, and have to go back to Deceit.

“Virgil?” Roman asked, looking at him suspiciously. “Pat asked you a question.”

“Huh, what?” Virgil asked lamely.

“I was asking if you wanted any popcorn or soda or something, Logan likes to have water, but I realized I do know what you like,” Patton explained.

“I’m not hungry,” Virgil blurted out.

“Okay,” Patton smiled. “If you change your mind we can always run out to grab something.”

“Sure thanks,” Virgil answered uneasily. After that Virgil tried to keep his muttering to himself. They got to a two floor apartment the Light Sides all shared, Virgil knew they stayed here even when he was with the League. Virgil felt weird actually walking in.

Logan was in the living room, on his phone, something in his eyes set Virgil on edge. Although that was probably just his nerves.

“Yes, I’ll keep that in mind for the meeting, goodnight,” Logan concluded, looking at everyone. Then after a second or two, he hung up.

“Salutations, everyone,” Logan greeted, adjusting his glasses.

“Lo,” Patton jumped towards him. “There you are.”

Logan startled as Patton wrapped his arms around him, “What have you been up to?”

“Yeah,” Roman walked over. “I haven’t seen you in days.”

“Nonsense, Roman,” Logan clearly looked like he wanted to adjust his glasses, but his arms were trapped by Patton’s hug. “I saw you at breakfast.”

“I’m not awake until my third coffee,” Roman complained.

“You both are insufferable,” Logan rolled his eyes, but the corner of his mouth quirked up a bit.

By now, Virgil was feeling really uncomfortable, more like an unwanted observer, and he began to take a step back.

“Ah, Virgil, come in,” Logan was finally looking at him. “Roman, you should have closed the door.”

“I missed you,” Roman complained, hugging Logan as well, who took a deep, uncomfortable breath.

_ Shit! _ Virgil swore in his head and closed the door a little harder in his head than he intended.  _ Shit! _

“This was a bad idea,” Virgil said before he could stop himself. He should just make a run for it, but he’d already closed the door and all three of them were looking at him.

“I don’t understand, what a bad idea?” Logan asked, looking confused as he glanced between Patton and Roman.”

“I’m being a fourth wheel,” Virgil already put his hand on the doorknob behind him. “I should have stayed back at the base. Enjoy your Valentine’s Day, I’m just going back to the base.”

Logan pried himself from Patton and Roman’s arms, “Pardon, is this a date night?”

Patton looked away, a little sheepish, “Maybe.”

“Then why wasn’t I told, was led to believe it was not,” Logan glared at Patton. “There are steps and procedures to occasions such as these that I have not adequately prepared for.”

“Ahh,” Roman smiled. “Don’t sweat it Lo, I got us covered.”

Logan looked even more frustrated. “No, I—”

The more logical Side looked away, as if trying to ground himself, “I am an equal member in this relationship and I have committed to participate.”

“Gosh, sorry, Lo, we just didn’t want to overwhelm you,” Patton apologized. “I’m so sorry.”

“No,” Logan decided. “I have spent very little time with you all for a while now, it makes sense that you would doubt my commitment to the relationship.”

Patton looked completely heartbroken, “No, we would never.” He looked at Roman.

“I believe that you’re not trying to avoid us,” Roman evaded and got the stink eye from Patton.

“Come on,” Virgil interrupted. “I’ve only been around for a couple months and even I know you three are sickeningly lovey-dovey. I mean.”

Logan blinked a couple times, “My mission will be concluded soon, I should not be undertaking another for some time.”

Patton smiled Virgil, “Virge, we kinda wanted to invite you to join us, we were talking about it for a while.”

“Hey, hey, just because we all want to be Thomas doesn’t mean I want to start a fusion party, or a sex party for that matter. Dee and Remus were already hell enough.” Virgil felt like a butterfly trapped in place.

“We know you’re not ready for a lot of things,” Patton told him. “That’s okay. There’s no competition, or there’s not supposed to be.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready,” Virgil warned.

“That’s okay,” Patton told him, taking a couple cautious steps closer. “We just want to spend time with you, you’re one of us and I for one don’t want you to feel awkward around us.”

“Sides,” Roman grinned. “You were totally ogling my ass on the way over.”

Virgil knew he went beet red, “N-No I didn’t.”

“Last week you were drawing Patton and you made him look very pretty,” Roman teased.

Patton gasped in joy, “You drew a picture of little old me? How adorable.”

“Logan, I’m going to kill your boyfriends,” Virgil decided.

Logan chuckled at that, “You should draw Roman, he’d ever pose for you.”

“Damn right,” Roman agreed.

“Language,” Patton folded his arms, looking at the creative Side. “Guys, don’t tease him.”

“Sure,” Roman winked at Virgil, walking over to the T.V. “We doing another poll? I know what I’m voting for.”

Virgil was slowly moved to the couch with the others. He was given the cup of noodles and pixie sticks he was promised, and no one complained when he climbed on top of the couch to sit against the wall. Logan and Patton on the couch with Roman curled up in a nest of blankets and pillows on the floor. All of them just enjoying Umbrella Academy again. He felt warm, and for the first time in a long time . . . actually welcome. Like he was supposed to be here.

. . . It was a feeling that was exciting and scary, and Virgil was overwhelmed by it all. But he knew they meant well and he was excited to try and test the waters a little bit. He felt good around them and as crazy as his life was, he liked it.

**Author's Note:**

> I am trying to get everything updated, hopefully I’ll get it all done before tomorrow but some of them might be going up tomorrow.


End file.
